Green Suckers And Red Lollipops
by bbfan
Summary: Sam and Jack are under alien influence... again.


DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and it's characters are the property of MGM/UA, Double Seceret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was written for entertainment purposes. No money involved what so ever. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
TITLE: Green Suckers and Red Lollipops  
  
AUTHOR: bbfan  
  
SUMMARY: Jack and Sam are under alien influence... again.  
  
CATEGORY: AU, Humor, and a little Romance.  
  
SEASON: 5  
  
PAIRING: Jack/Sam  
  
RATING: R  
  
SPOILERS: mild spoilers, 405 Divide and Conquer and 420 Entity  
  
WARNINGS: Sexual situations, Languange, Adult themes  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'd like to thank Ceeg and Tricia for their beta skills. You guys are magicians and did a wonderful job with my story. This is my first, but hopefully not my last, SG-1 story. I'm new to the show, so please be kind. Feedback can be sent directly to me. Flames will be used to start the wood pile in my backyard.  
Damn.  
  
Damn.  
  
Damn.  
  
He was pissed and Sam knew it, and when Colonel Jack O'Neill was pissed, watch your ass. Walking. no, make that trotting, back toward the gate, she wished he would say something... anything. His silent treatment wasn't cutting it. It never did.  
  
"Sir?" Her voice sounded strange to her.  
  
Silence. Dead silence. This is not good. She looked up at his face. Nope, this was definitely not good.  
  
"Sir, please let me try and explain." It really wasn't her fault. The test tube case fell into the marsh from which she was extracting water samples. She tried to save it, but slipped on the muddy bank and fell in. She would've been fine, but, being who he was, he had to help. He reached for her and when she took his hand, she lost her balance again and pulled him in.  
  
"Oh, there's nothing to explain, Major. If I'd known you were into mud wrestling..."  
  
She stopped trotting, which allowed her CO to go ahead. 'What does he mean 'mud wrestling'. Samantha Carter does not mud wrestle.' She watched as he walked away, getting a great view of his backside, something she found herself looking at a lot lately. That's when she saw it. 'What the hell is that?' her mind screamed. She noticed something green, glowing through the mud that was caked all over him.  
  
"Sir?" She had to run to catch up.  
  
He stopped but didn't turn around or answer.  
  
Walking quickly, she turned and stopped in front of him.  
  
"Sir... you have something on your... back."  
  
He let out his breath in a huff. "It's called mud, Carter. M.U.D... mud. I didn't think I had to spell it out for you."  
  
She stepped away from him slightly. "Sir, look at me. I'm sure I have them too," she said, twirling around for emphasis.  
  
Jack removed his sunglasses. "Eeeewwww! They're green. What are they?"  
  
Sam rolled her eyes at him. 'Just a minute ago, he was, 'Ohhh, this is sooo cool,' when he saw the green, glowing marsh. Now it was like... 'Eeeewwww?' "I'm not sure. Taking a few steps closer to him, she examined the... things. "They look like... leeches and... your voice sounds funny." She looked up at a very pale Colonel. "Sir, are you all right?"  
  
Jack stared back at her. "Carter, I don't like leeches that are... green, and your voice sounds funny too."  
  
She thought he looked like he was going to hurl. "Sir, you look like you're going to be sick. You're not all right, are you?" She placed her muddy hand on his equally muddy arm.  
  
And that's when shit hit the fan, so to speak. "Hell no, I'm not all right. I've got mud in places you don't even want to know about... and I've got glowing, green suckers all over me! Your voice sounds real scary, so enlighten me Major, how am I suppose to feel!"  
  
"Suckers, sir?" She wanted him to keep talking. She couldn't stand the silence again.  
  
"Leeches, suckers... same thing." He was looking across the field at Teal'c and Daniel.  
  
"Sir, I think..." but before she could finish, Jack was on the COM. Apparently, he read her mind.  
  
"Daniel, Teal'c... we have a problem here. Be back at the gate in five."  
  
"Jack, we just found-" Daniel was interrupted by a very angry Colonel.  
  
"Daniel, I have slimy, green glowing... sucky things all over me. YOU will be at the gate or so help me-" He was cut off by Sam.  
  
"Daniel... MOVE NOW!" She was going to kill him if he didn't stop arguing. Looking at the growing pile of leeches at her feet, she was going to kill someone if she didn't get out of here soon.  
  
Grabbing Jack by the wrist, she propelled him forward. "We got to keep moving, sir."  
  
"Right... OW!" He grabbed his head as Teal'c's baritone voice rumbled across the COM.  
  
"Major Carter." She winced as his voice vibrated off the insides of her skull.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do those green creatures have antennae?" Teal'c asked.  
  
Sam stared at one that was crawling aimlessly up her sleeve. "Yes, why?" 'Please know something,' her mind, or at least what was left of it, pleaded.  
  
"Check your body to see if they are adhered to it. If they are, do not remove them."  
  
"And that would be... why?" Jack asked, sarcastically.  
  
"If my memory serves me correctly, the creatures are called Noobies. They are... pleasure seekers, attaching themselves onto others to act out their feelings for one another. We have them on Chulak. We search them out to help convey our feelings for our mates. If you remove them before they complete their objective, you could damage the neuro pathways leading to your brain."  
  
OH. MY. GOD! Why did this always happen to... them? 'This can't happen, must not happen.' Sam looked at Jack and smiled, sheepishly, at his reaction. This is going to happen whether they wanted it to or not. Jack was standing there practically undressing her with his eyes. Oh, the Colonel was still there; struggling to keep himself under control, yet the way he was looking at her sent a shiver down her spine.  
  
She looked at Jack, and then she let her eyes slowly move down his body. She licked her lips, thinking it funny that she was able to check out her CO without fear of punishment. 'Maybe this isn't half bad...'  
  
They started to pull the unattached leeches from one another's bodies. She wished she were touching him for other reasons. She turned him around and saw one on his neck. "Sir, you have one on your neck."  
  
But he was turning her around even as she said it, and she sensed him staring at her neck. That's when she felt it, pressure at the base of her skull. She reached up to touch it, but Jack caught her hand in mid flight.  
  
"Don't."  
  
She thought he held onto her hand a bit longer than neccesary and he gazed at her with lust in his eyes. 'Holy Hannah!' She felt a shiver radiate deep within her core. She didn't know what was happening to her, but something definitely was. It was confusing, delicious and scary all at the same time. Part of her brain was screaming 'this is wrong', while another part was seductively saying 'bring it on'. She didn't realize they were back at the gate until she heard Daniel laughing.  
  
Jack tore his eyes from her and glared at the archeologist, who became quiet and acted like he was very busy with the rocks he found.  
  
"O'Neill, I sent a message ahead. They have medical personnel waiting," Teal'c reported quietly.  
  
"Thanks... I think. So, how does this work... I mean are we... ah, hell." Jack took Sam's hand. Flesh touching flesh was almost too much for her.  
  
"Soon, you will come together as one... as the Noobies share their feelings for one another," Teal'c intoned solemnly.  
  
Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you telling me... we... I mean... the Colonel and I... are going to have... sex?"  
  
"You and the Colonel won't be 'having sex.' The Noobies will be the ones sharing their feelings through you," Teal'c whispered, and then raised an eyebrow in response to the noise that came from Daniel.  
  
Jack shifted, but didn't release her hand. "So, could it be possible that these 'Noobies' are just... friends?"  
  
Daniel started to laugh at that. "Yeah, right, Jack. You're drooling all over her now. I think those Noobies are more than friends."  
  
Teal'c nodded in agreement. "I concure. I believe these Noobies are mates."  
  
Sam swallowed and looked up at Jack. She wanted to see his reaction. "Will we... remember?"  
  
"Indeed." The Jaffa used his favorite phrase.  
  
Jack gave a slight nod, but didn't take his eyes from Sam's. He was now holding both of her hands. He smiled at her and wiggled his eyebrows.   
  
She smiled back and leaned her body into his. 'How could something sooo wrong feel so... damn... right.'  
  
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Oh, brother. Let's go, you two love birds," he said through his laughter, as he gently pushed them through the gate.  
  
**  
  
General George Hammond nervously paced about the gate room. He felt helpless, a feeling he could definitely live without. His top team's commander was being forced to 'compromise' his 2IC. This could be the end of SG-1. 'Dammit, this can't happen...' A touch on his shoulder brought him back from his thoughts. Turning, he saw it was Doctor Janet Fraiser. Her medical team stood near by.  
  
"Doctor, do you have it?" he asked, anxiously.  
  
"Yes, sir. Here it is. The Tok'ra confirm what Teal'c has told us." She handed him the report.  
  
Opening it up he scanned it quickly, looking for confirmation on what he knew was going to be a problem. 'Damn,' he thought, slamming the folder shut.  
  
"Sir, what's wrong?" Doctor Fraiser asked.  
  
He could see that she wasn't aware of the consequences of what had to take place. There was no other way around this. If they forced the Noobies to disconnect, it could damage the brains of his friends. He wasn't going to let that happen. Not on his watch. "I'm sure you read the report, Doctor," he snapped.  
  
"Yes, sir I did. They're going to be fine. As soon as the Noobies... finish... they disconnect from the Colonel and the Major. No harm done... physically.  
  
He could see that is was finally sinking in. "That's right, Doctor. They're going to be fine, phyiscally... what about emotionally? You realize they're going to be aware of... everything," he said, embarrassed that he was even having this discussion.  
  
The Doctor stood there staring at him, when he saw what was a slight curve of a smile appearing on her face.  
  
"Sir..." she hesitated. Regaining her voice, she started again. "Sir, without compromising Doctor/Patient confidentiality, let me just say... they'll be fine with it emotionally."  
  
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He leaned in close, and said in a low, strangled voice, "Doctor, are you telling me that Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter..."  
  
"No sir!" she hissed. "Sir, we all know how they feel about each other. The Zat'arc test proved that. I don't see the problem?"  
  
"The problem, Doctor, is that this could compromise future missions." He couldn't understand why she didn't see how this was going to affect the SGC. He noticed she was getting angry.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud... sir, the Colonel shot her... twice... with the Zat gun. That alone should prove that they can handle this... situation... and that, sir, will be in my report."  
  
She had a point. He'd forgotten all about that. It was so long ago.  
  
Knowing when he was beat, he straightens up and raised his hands in defeat. "Okay, Doctor, you made your point..." The sound of a computer technician yelling that SG-1's code has been sent interrupted them.  
  
"Okay, people, here we go."  
  
**  
  
Standing in the observation room, Hammond watched as they prepared the room for the Noobies. Someone brought in two standard military issue cots and lashed them together, making them appear to be one double bed. He noticed the room was devoid of all medical equipment, except for a small 'pool' of the marsh water for the Noobies to crawl back into when they finished. Teal'c informed them that it could get rather crazy in there. 'Now there's a thought.' He smiled, admonishing himself for the thought. He turned when he heard the door shut behind him.  
  
Doctor Fraiser came over and stood next to him. She didn't say anything. She stood there staring out at the room without speaking.  
  
He cleared his voice and broke the ice. "So, Doctor, are they ready?" He waited for an answer and frowned when he didn't receive one. "Doctor?"  
  
She jumped as though startled. "I'm sorry, sir. Did you say something?" She seemed distracted.   
  
"I just asked if they were ready... the Noobies that is." He didn't think it appropriate to mention Jack and Sam in that sentence.  
  
"Well... sir, there was a problem with Jack... the male Noobie. He didn't want to be separated from Sam... the female Noobie. After much tugging and pulling we got them apart, just to have them come together and rip each others clothes off..."  
  
Hammond held up his hand to interrupt. "I get the picture, Doctor." He had forgotten the state they were in when they arrived from the planet. Glancing over at the Doctor he could see she was concerned about something else. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what was bothering her, but he knew that if it was something involving Jack and Sam, he needed to know about it.  
  
"Doctor, is there something else that you're not telling me?"  
  
She hesitated, opened her mouth as to say something, and then promply shut it as quickly as she had opened it.  
  
"Doctor, please, if there is something..." he prompted.  
  
"Sir, I was thinking about what you said earlier. What if they can't get past this? What if they do compromise future missions? You know how focused they have to be. What if..." She stopped when a medical technician walked into the room.  
  
"Doctor, the patients are ready. They'll be in the room momentarily."  
  
"Thank you, Theresa. That'll be all."   
  
He knew he should say something, but he didn't have a clue what to say. What do you say when your team leaders were going to do something way above the call of duty. He glanced over at the Doctor just to find her staring at him with this look on her face that could only be construed as embarrassment.  
  
"Sir, there is one other thing..." He saw her face turn about three different shades of red.  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"The tape... I'll need another officer's clearance code in order to put a block on it."  
  
"The tape? Doctor, what tape are you talking about... Oh, my God! Are you telling me you have to... tape them while they're..." He couldn't believe this was happening. Feeling extremely embarrassed about the whole thing, he started to pace the room, looking for somewhere to hide.  
  
"Sir, please, I have to tape... this. The Medical Regulations states..."  
  
"Doctor! I know what the Regulations state. Trust me, I know all about the Regs..." His words stuck in his throat as a memory from thirty years ago came flooding back. He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand in realization that he had the answer to this mess all along. 'How could I forget something like that!?'"  
  
He looked at the Doctor, who was staring out at the room with wide, scared eyes. He turned to see a very naked Jack and Sam in each others' arms, in the middle of 'their' room. Jack was genltly trailing his finger along Sam's jaw line, his eyes narrowed and focused on hers. Sam reciprocated his movements. 'Sweet Jesus.'  
  
Janet quickly snatched the cord to the curtains and pulled them shut, blocking the view of the room.  
  
"Sir, the tape?" She was standing by the video recorder, with what he swore was a smile.  
  
Walking over to the door, he opened it. "Doctor, when the time comes, let me know. I'll use my clearance codes."  
  
"Of course... and thank you, sir." She turned the recorder on, walked over to the door and followed him out.  
  
"Good evening, sir."  
  
"Good evening, Doctor." He turned and nearly ran back toward his office. There was a lot to think about before he called the Colonel and Major into his office and give them, what he hoped would be good news.  
  
**  
  
Sam slowly opened her eyes. Blinking them rapidly to fend off the glare of the lights, she lifted her head. Her breath caught in her throat when the pain form that simple move overtook her. "Oh God... my head," she moaned. 'What the hell happened?' Her whole body ached.  
  
"Carter, just be still. The pounding in your head will go away... at least mine did." The Colonel's voice came from somewhere close. Suddenly her eyes flew open when she felt his heat... from his body... lying close to her... in the same bed... in the infirmary. Leg touching leg... hip touching hip... shoulder touching shoulder.  
  
"You're in my bed." She didn't dare make eye contact. Way too much 'contact' going on. Staring at the ceiling was definitely the smart thing to do.  
  
"Oh, you betcha... and we're gloriously naked, too."   
  
She cringed at his last statement. 'Crap!' He sounded too damn happy and he was probably wearing that shitty-ass grin of his. The one that made her insides turn to jelly and her knees go weak.  
  
Desparately, she searched her bruised brain for any recollection as to what the hell happened to them... and why he was in her... 'Shit!' Flashbacks of today's events came forth with a vengeance. The mud, the Noobies... his touch, his smell, his taste... all of it. Sam felt her blood rush to her face in embarrassment.  
  
"Sir, did we just..." She was cut off by a nervous chuckle.  
  
"Good God Sam, don't call me 'sir' while I'm sharing this bed with you. It's too freaky and a bit kinky... and did I mention we are 'gloriously naked?'" The unsteadiness of his voice spoke volumes. He was as nervous about what transpired as she was.  
  
Sam shut her eyes. 'This can't be happening.' Ah, hell it'd already happened. Who was she kidding. How were they going to get through this without compromising SG-1? 'The same way we always have, pretend nothing has happened.' What was the General going to say? 'What could he say, they were under alien control... sort of.' If her father found out about this, Jack would be so dead... her mind battled on.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Hmm?" She wasn't ready to say his name just yet.  
  
"Stop that."  
  
"Stop what?" Now he was confusing the hell out of her.  
  
"Stop thinking. You're always thinking... way too much I might add."  
  
Sam lay there and tried not to think, which was an impossible feat for her.  
  
"So... whatcha thinkin?"  
  
She giggled. He could be so adorable sometimes. "Trust me s... I mean Jack, you don't want to know." She glanced over a gave him a smile.   
  
"Right... hey, you said my name." He turned on his side and propped his head up on his hand.  
  
Doing the same, she gazed into his eyes. "I guess I did... Jack," she said, with a cheeky smile.  
  
They sat there like that for a moment. The tension was unbelievable.   
  
Jack fell back onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "We're in trouble aren't we?"  
  
Sam followed suit. "Trouble? Trouble doesn't even touch it. Why don't you try... court martial... hell Jack, the Noobies weren't the only ones there."  
  
"I know, I know... I'll talk to the General about it. He can be a reasnoable guy... most of the time."  
  
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're going to talk to the General about this?"  
  
"Not about 'this'. About us."  
  
"There's an us?" Her words tumbled out before she could do anything about it.  
  
"Of course there's an us. There's always been an us. We... I just chose not to do anything about it... with those damn Regs being shoved in our faces all the time... saving the whole damn planet... Dad..." Sam couldn't take it any longer.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Right... a whole lot of trouble."  
  
**  
  
General Hammond made his way down to the infirmary. He couldn't wait to tell them the good news. At least he hoped it was good news. Entering the infirmary he spotted them right away. They had dressed, moved out of their room and were in the recovery area, sitting on the same bed. He smiled when he saw Jack lean in and whisper something to Sam. She shyly looked down at her hands. 'At least they're talking to each other.' He walked up to the bed.  
  
"So, how are you two feeling?" He noticed they both jumped at the sound of his voice.  
  
"Fine, sir. We're fine, aren't we Major?"  
  
"Yes, sir. We're fine, sir."  
  
'Liars.' He noticed neither one of them could look him in the eye. He wished he could put a stop to this madness right now, but he knew this conversation must take place behind closed doors. His to be exact. He was brought out of his thoughts at the sound of the doctor's voice.  
  
"General? Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
Hammond shook his head. "No, Doctor. Just came down to see how the Colonel and the Major were making out... I mean to see how they were feeling." 'Open mouth, insert foot... Good God George, what are you thinking?' He couldn't help but notice Sam's blushing and Jack's quirky smile.  
  
"They're doing fine, sir. Just one more... test to go through." The Doctor sounded confident, which made him feel better.  
  
Looking at Jack, he said, "I'd like to see you two in my office, as soon as the doctor excuses you." Jack finally made eye contact. It struck his heart when he saw the look of fear in Jack's eyes.   
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Good, I'll see you two later. Carry on, Doctor." The General turned and left the infirmary and headed for his office.  
  
**  
  
Sam sat at her desk trying to concentrate on the report in front of her. Failing miserably she shut the folder. Placing her head in her hands, she willed her thoughts to be quiet. Hearing a knock on her door, she stood and called the person in.  
  
"Hi. I haven't come at a bad time?" Janet asked, as she stepped through the doorway.  
  
Sam shook her head no and shut the door. "Don't tell me there's more tests. I can't go through anymore. My arm is so sore from all the needle pricks." She rubbed her arm for emphasis.  
  
"No... not exactly."  
  
She wasn't sure she liked the sound of that. "What does that mean? Either I have more tests or I don't."  
  
"You don't... I need to ask a favor from you."  
  
Sam eyed her suspiciously. "A favor? Um... what is it?"  
  
"Well... ah hell, I need someone to watch the tape of you and Jack... while you were under the Noobies influence. I know this is a lot to ask..."  
  
"No way, Janet... I can't watch... I mean..." She couldn't even fathom that.  
  
"Come on Sam, please. I can't watch it by myself." Now Janet sounded like she was whining.  
  
Sam couldn't believe what she was asking her to do. There was no way she was going to be able to sit and watch the tape of her and Jack... making out.  
  
"Janet, no way. I can't believe you're asking me." She noticed a smile sneak on Janet's face.  
  
"Sam... Jack said he'd watch it if you watched it... come on, it'll be educational. I have to watch it regardless, but I just can't watch it by myself. The General said he'd use his clearance code... I just thought you and Jack could watch it so you could understand what happened to you."  
  
Sam stood there with her mouth open. She didn't know what to say. It made sense... in a way. "Oh, believe me, I understand all too well what went on in that room. I don't need to watch... did I hear you correctly when you said Jack would watch it?" She hoped she had heard right.  
  
"Yes, that's what he said. If you watch it, then he'd watch it with us... please?"  
  
The begging got to her, besides all the times the Doc has saved her butt... 'It's the least I can do to repay her... for doing her job... damn, payback's a bitch.'  
  
"All right... on one condition. You provide the snacks." Sam couldn't believe she just agreed to do this.  
  
"Done. Give me an hour. I'll let the Colonel know."  
  
Sam nodded and watched as Janet made a fast retreat.  
  
"I want popcorn and lollipops! Red ones!" Sam yelled as Janet dashed down the hall, waving her hand, letting her know she heard her. Sam smiled as a plan started to form in her head. 'This could be very interesting indeed.'  
  
**  
  
Sam plopped herself down onto her bed. Satisfied that she had worked all the kinks out of her plan, she allowed herself to relax. She knew what she was about to do was so out of character for her… but after what had transpired between them, she wanted it to be crystal clear that she wanted to 'take it out of that damn room'. There was no way she was going back to all the pretending, innuendos, and gentle teasing. Sexually, it was extremely frustrating not being able to have what you wanted, what you needed. Now that she knew how it could be, there was definitely no way she was going back. 'Geez, don't want much, do ya?'  
  
The ringing of the phone brought her straight to her feet. Reaching down to her nightstand, she picked up the phone. "Carter." She didn't bother to use her rank. Who ever was calling knew what she was, if they didn't, that was their problem.  
  
"Sam, it's me. It's time…" Janet was cut off by the Colonel.  
  
"Come on Major, we have front row seats, a honkin' huge bowl of popcorn, some soda, red lollipops… of course I'll skip the lollipops… who in the hell asked for lollipops, anyway?"  
  
Sam smiled. She could picture him standing there with one hand shoved in his pocket, the other holding the phone to his ear. He was probably rocking back and forth on his feet. "I'll be there shortly, sir." She hung up the phone and started towards the door. Passing the mirror on her dresser, she caught her reflection. 'I hope you know what you're doing.' Turning for the door, she quickly left her room and headed for Janet's office.  
  
It only took a few minutes to arrive. Walking in, she stopped suddenly and stared at Jack. He was wearing a work helmet that had a straw attached to it that went to a 'bladder' full of soda… or beer… she was sure it was soda, seeing as they were still on the base. Her strangled chuckle announced her presence.  
  
"Carter, you made it. About time," Jack said as he started across the room. Janet was faster, though and got to her first.   
  
"Thank God you're here…" Janet said, then leaning in she whispered, "… he's driving me nuts." Janet shot Jack her famous 'Don't mess with me, mister' look.   
  
Sam laughed. "You haven't seen anything yet." She turned toward Jack and said, "I see you're ready for the show, sir."   
  
"Oh, you betcha. I heard the educational part was… very educational." His wonderful, silly grin not going unnoticed by her.  
  
Sam rolled her eyes at him and walked over to the three chairs that sat in front of the television. 'Please, just let my plan work, please.' Taking the one in the middle, she grabbed the popcorn and started to dig in. She was trying to calm her nerves by acting like she was enjoying herself, when really all she wanted to do was run and hide. If she worked her plan just right, she and Jack would be in the General's office in about a half hour… if not before. And then maybe, just maybe she could go home and get the much needed sleep that had escaped her. Janet's voice brought her back to reality.  
  
"Okay, you guys. First, I'd like to thank you both for doing this for me. I really appreciate it."  
  
"Ohhh, you are soooo welcome, Doc."   
  
Sam just shook her head at Janet's lack of judgment. 'Geez, Janet, next time stick a bull's-eye right in the middle of your forehead and scream, 'Hit me with your best shot!''  
  
"Right… next I want to lay a couple of ground rules… I don't want to hear any snickering or lewd comments. We're all adults here."   
  
Sam noticed Janet's stare settle on Jack. She was sure that was for Jack's benefit. No way was she going to mention the wonderful things he could do with his hands… and those lips… Sam felt the temperature shoot up about 10 degrees when she remembered his lips… kissing her… all over... 'Geez Sam, get a grip and stop torturing yourself.'  
  
"Also, if you have to leave for any reason, do so quietly. I have to get this right the first time… cause' there is no way I'm watching this again," Janet said, turning a nice shade of pink.  
  
Sam smiled and patted the other seat next to her. "Fair enough, Janet. Let's get this over with… please."  
  
Jack grabbed a couple of sodas from the table and handed them to Sam and Janet. "Drink up girls."  
  
Sam took the soda can, popped it open and took a big swig before placing it on the table behind her. She thought he was enjoying himself too much. 'Just wait, mister…'  
  
Janet aimed the remote towards the VCR player and pushed play. "Here we go."  
  
Sam felt herself take a deep breath as the video began to play. What she saw made her scoot a little lower in her chair. 'Oh, my God.' The sight of them naked was unnerving, to say the least. Not to say it was repulsive or anything. The Colonel was… a well built… male member of their species.  
  
Glancing over at Jack, she giggled softly. The look on his face was priceless. His wide-eyed stare was glued on the television and his mouth was hanging open. Sam couldn't stop herself. Reaching over she laid a finger under his chin and gently pushed it shut.  
  
Jack looked at her and mouthed a 'thank you'.   
  
She smiled and thought this was as good time as any to start her plan in motion. Reaching behind her, she snatched up a red lollipop, unwrapped it and put it into her mouth… staring at Jack the whole time. She watched as his facial muscles tightened and his eyes widened once again.   
  
Sam swallowed, hard, when she felt her own body respond to what she was doing and… thinking. 'Uh oh…' She never dreamed she'd feel… libidinous.   
  
She watched as he quickly tore his eyes from hers and turned them toward the television, just to be drawn back to her again. It was as if he was watching a tennis match… back and forth, back and forth.  
  
Sam smiled seductively as she pulled the sucker out slowly, playing her tongue over it. She looked back at the television. Again, running her tongue slowly over the tip, she popped it back into her mouth. Suddenly she noticed something on the screen that wasn't quite right.  
  
Pulling the sucker out, she pointed it towards the screen. "Whoa, hey, Janet… I didn't know the human body could bend at L4 and L5 like that." She leaned her head to the right trying to figure out how Jack's back bent that way.  
  
"I didn't think it could," Janet said. She, too, was leaning her head towards the right.  
  
Sam sat up and glanced over at Jack. He was also leaning, which put his head just inches from hers. She felt his breath, warm on her neck, which in turn sent an electrical charge through her. He wasn't looking at the screen. She noticed his eyes were transfixed on the sucker. 'God… ' Slowly she brought it to her lips and laid it there. Puckering up to it, as if she was kissing it, she heard him take in a quick breath. She flicked her tongue out and licked the very tip of it. That's when she heard a moan. She wasn't totally sure if it came from the television or from him, until Janet interrupted.  
  
"Shhh!" she hissed.  
  
Jack straightened up and stared at the television once more. He must have been uncomfortable, because he kept shifting and squirming in his chair. All at once, his right leg started to move up and down, keeping rhythm with the scene playing out on the screen. His eyes began the wild excursion, from the screen to her sucker.  
  
Sam noticed him watching her. She knew her plan was working. The bulge in his pants that predictably appeared was her evidence. Looking back up at him, she was keenly aware that he knew she saw the way he was responding to what she was doing. She watched as he quickly snatched the bowl of popcorn from her lap and placed it on his own.   
  
'Samantha Carter you are soooo wicked.' She definitely knew it wasn't going to be long. Working the sucker in her mouth, she tried to mirror the action coming from the television. Making sure Jack was looking at her she waited for the right moment. Just as things came to a head on screen, she bit down on her sucker, making a very loud crunching noise.  
  
Jacks hips bucked forward sending the bowl and its contents all over the floor. "Shit!" Jumping up he yelled over his shoulder as he left the room, "Potty break!"   
  
Janet rose quickly, turned off the video and grumbled after him, "Well now that was quiet!"  
  
Sam laughed so hard her sides started to ache. The look on that poor man's face was too much. She glanced over to see Janet standing with her hand on her hip, staring her down.  
  
"Sam Carter, I'm not sure I know what you're up to… just be careful. I'd hate to see you do something now, you might regret later."  
  
Sam pulled herself together. She rewrapped the half-eaten sucker and threw it away. Turning to face her friend she said, "Janet, I know what that looked like, but I know what I'm doing."  
  
"And that would be... what, exactly?"  
  
Sam paused. "I'm doing what should've been done a long time ago. I'm…" She looked at Janet questioningly. She wasn't sure she should go on.  
  
Reaching out, Janet laid her hand on her arm. "Hey, this is between us, so don't worry… okay?"  
  
Sam nodded. "I'm going to 'take it out of the room.'" She watched as Janet stumbled backwards and landed in her chair. She obviously knew what she was talking about.  
  
"Sam are you sure you want to do this… I mean… you're aware of the consequences of your actions… right? I mean… your career…"  
  
"Janet, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. After what you saw on that video…" Sam said, pointing to the television. She then looked down at her boots, pulling her thoughts together. Snapping her head up she continued, "I can't go back to the way it was. I've tasted the forbidden fruit, so to speak, and so help me, I want… more. We're just going to have to be careful, that's all."  
  
Janet got up and hugged her. "Go for it, girl."   
  
Sam pulled back and smiled. "I better go and find him. Are you going to be okay by yourself?"   
  
Janet laughed. "Yeah, I'll be fine. It's quite interesting…"  
  
Sam noticed the blush that appeared on her face. "Interesting is a nice, safe word."  
  
"Yes it is. Goodnight, Sam. Don't forget to see the General before you head out."  
  
"Right." She started for the door. Turning, she looked back at Janet. "Thanks for everything."  
  
Janet smiled and waved her from the room. "Be gone with ya', I've got a video to watch. Lock the door for me. Can't have just anyone walk in here."  
  
Sam turned and walked out into the corridor to find Jack leaning against the wall, his back to her. He wasn't aware she was behind him, but when she shut the door, his head snapped up, and he wheeled around to face her.  
  
"Carter." His voice sounded a little strangled.  
  
"A bit jumpy aren't we, sir?" She tried to remain calm and cool, as if nothing has happened.  
  
"Ya think… nice show, by the way… and drop the sir."  
  
"Thank you… Jack. I take pride in formulating a plan, executing it to perfection, and then going in for the crunch… I mean the kill." She giggled at the look of astonishment on his face, and then leaning in she whispered seductively, "Glad you enjoyed it." Brushing past him, she felt his hand on her arm, stopping her.  
  
"Oh, I enjoyed it… very much… so much, that I'm inclined to think that you… 'want to take it out of the room'."   
  
Sam sighed. "You heard." She leaned against the wall, her stare fastened on the wall across from her. Looking at him would be her undoing and what she wanted to do to him right now was definitely a court martial offense. Security cameras were strategically placed in the hallway, so there was no chance of that happening.  
  
He didn't answer her right away and that alarmed her. She felt his stare on her, so she looked him in the eye, which must have unnerved him.  
  
He nervously cleared his throat and said, "Trust me, Sam, your intentions were crystal clear… long before you said anything to the Doc."  
  
Sam smiled at this revelation. 'It worked, my plan really worked.' "Really?"  
  
"Oh yeah," he said with no hesitation this time. Then he looked at her for what seemed like forever. "If you're serious about this…"  
  
She interrupted him. "I am… are you?"  
  
"Yeah. It's just like you said, we'll have to be careful." He smiled at her, giving her confidence that he was really ready to take their relationship to the next level.  
  
"Come on, let's go and talk to the General." He paused, "Um… Sam? By the way… what kind?"  
  
She stood there and blinked… twice. "Jack, what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Forbidden fruit… what kind… apple?  
  
"No."  
  
"Oranges?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Bananas?"  
  
Sam giggled at that one. "Uh-uh."  
  
"Ah, come on Sam, what kind?"  
  
"Strawberries." She blushed slightly.  
  
"Ohhh, I like the way you think, Sam. Really I do," he said in a rush.  
  
"I thought you would."  
**  
  
"Yes sir, I will. No sir, that won't be necessary." Hammond rolled his eyes at Jack and Sam as they entered his office and sat down. The President always seemed to call at the wrong time. "All right, sir. You have a nice evening too." He hung up the phone.  
  
"Sorry about that." He got up and stuck his head out the door. "No interruptions, airman," he said to the clerk on duty.  
  
"Understood, sir."  
  
Hammond shut the door and went to his chair. 'Where in the hell do I begin?' He smiled. He felt the unnerving feeling you get when you're about to talk to your teenager about the 'birds and the bees'.   
  
"First off let me say, this day has been an interesting one. Rest assured the records will show that you were compromised against your will. There will be no charges of insubordination or actions unbecoming of an officer." He noticed their relief, as it washed over their faces.  
  
"Thank you, sir. Will that be all?" Jack asked.  
  
"No, son… second, as of right now we're going to drop our ranks. This is George, talking to his good friends, Jack and Sam." He smiled at their reactions. They both raised an eyebrow to form a confused look. 'Boy, Teal'c is sure rubbing off on them.'  
  
"Sir, I don't understand…  
  
"Sam, drop the sir. It's George remember… Come on guys, this is hard enough… go with me on this, please." He was glad when they nodded affirmatively.  
  
"About thirty years ago, while stationed here in the States, there was a Captain who had an attraction for his head clerk. She was a Lieutenant. I don't have to go into the whole Regs mumbo jumbo, to tell you that it's very much frowned upon." Their reaction told him they were worried about the same thing. He continued on. "The Captain fought his feelings for her. He tried to get transferred, tried to have her transferred, but nothing worked. It wasn't long before he realized the Lieutenant reciprocated his feelings…" He couldn't go on. The memories were too much and he felt himself losing control. Getting up, he walked over to the medals that hung on his wall. Looking at them, he realized if it wasn't for her, those medals wouldn't have been possible, if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be in charge of the most important mission the Air Force had to offer. 'God, I miss her.'  
  
"Um… George, are you okay?"  
  
George heard the concern in Jack's voice. Pulling himself together, he turned and walked back to his desk and sat down. "I'm okay." He took a deep breath and continued. "One night… something happened… and the Regs were almost tossed out the window."  
  
"Been there… many times." Jack barely whispered, but George heard what he said.  
  
"I know," George admitted.  
  
"You know?" Sam choked out.  
  
"Yes, I know… hell, you and Jack have had feelings for each other for sometime now. The Zat'arc test didn't have to prove to me what I already knew."   
  
Jack cleared his throat. "You said something happened to make the Captain want to… well, you know… screw the Regs thingy."  
  
"Right, he was called up for duty in Vietnam."  
  
"Sooo… did they or didn't they… break the Regs?" Jack asked.  
  
George laughed. "Well, the Captain found the courage and went to her apartment, with the intentions of doing just that… screw the Regs. Well, what he didn't know was the Lieutenant, without his knowledge, had resigned her commission. She gave up her career for him."  
  
"So, sir… George, why are you telling us all this?" Sam asked.  
  
"Because Sam, the Captain felt extremely guilty that, because of him, she gave up everything she had worked for. I don't want the same thing happening to you. I don't want Jack to retire and I don't want you transferring to another team. I can't have my best team split up. So… we're just going to have to deal with it."  
  
"Deal with it, how?" Sam asked.  
  
Taking a couple of documents out of the folder. "I took the liberty and cashed in on a few favors owed me." He handed them the documents and waited.  
  
"Oh, my God!" Sam burst out. "Sorry, sir, I mean George… no, I mean sir."  
  
Jack laughed. "The President! I can't believe the Air Force actually has documents stating that we're dating."  
  
"They do, that way if you're ever caught in a compromising position… it's on record. No charges can be filed against you."  
  
"Now, a few ground rules… nothing, and I do mean nothing is to happen off-world. Too many things could go wrong, and if you're caught… with your pants down… well… you know what I mean." George noticed Sam blushing. Jack had an ornery smile plastered on his face.  
  
"Also, I want you to keep yourselves under control on the base. I need you two to keep a professional manner here. There are enough distractions that keep us all busy."  
  
"You can say that again," Sam added, under her breath.  
  
George got up, as did Jack and Sam. He knew it was time for them to get out of here. They had a lot to talk about, which reminded him of something.  
  
"Before you leave there is one other thing. SG-1 isn't due off-world for 5 days. Take them and… well get to know each other… better. I'll see you when you get back." Looking directly at Sam, he directed his last words towards her. "And that's an order, Major."  
  
"Yes, sir," Sam said, as she walked over towards the door and then added, "Um, sir, what ever happened to the Captain and the Lieutenant?"  
  
"I married her."  
  
"I knew it was you!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
Jack said the one word that always made George smile. "Sweet."  
  
Sam turned and hugged him. "Thank you, sir, for everything."  
  
George hugged her back. "You're welcome, Major." He felt Jack's hand take his and shake it vigorously.  
  
"Yes, sir. Thank you."  
  
George walked to the door and opened it for them. "You two have a nice evening and I'll see you when you get back."  
  
"Good evening, sir," they both said, as they walked out of the door.  
  
**  
  
Sam walked out of the General's office, totally stunned. She blindly followed Jack back towards their quarters, but apparently she wasn't fast enough. Jack grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her along.  
  
"Come on," was all he said.  
  
"Sir, where are we going?" She nearly had to trot to keep up with him.  
  
"Out."  
  
"Out where? Please, sir…" She went along without arguing. When he got like this there was no stopping him.  
  
"No questions, Major."  
  
Sam let him lead her to the elevator that took them up to the personnel parking lot. When they walked outside, the warm air hit her in the face. Jack gently took her by the elbow and escorted her over to his jeep.  
  
"It's warm… help me pull the top down," he said.  
  
Sam helped him and then climbed into the passenger seat.   
  
"Where are we going, Jack?" She had a sneaking hunch as to what he was up to. He didn't want to wait any longer to… She didn't dare finish the thought.  
  
Jack pulled up to the booth, they flashed their base ID's and he pulled through the gate. He drove out of the parking lot and pass the sign that said, 'You are now leaving the Cheyenne Mountain Complex'. Once past the sign, he pulled off the road and came to a sliding halt.  
  
"What's wrong Jmmpff…" Her words were cut off by Jacks lips claiming hers. She returned the kiss with equal abandon. After what seemed like forever they finally had to pull away to catch their breath.  
  
"Wow... " Sam giggled, nervously.  
  
"Well, the General said nothing on base… we're off base… soooo…" he leaned in for round two.  
  
Sam put her hand on his chest, stopping him. "Yeah, we're off base by only ten feet, Jack."   
  
"I know," he growled.   
  
Their lips met, first gently, then with more urgency. Jack dragged his mouth from hers to sprinkle kisses along her neck, and she tipped her head back, baring her throat to his caresses. Trailing his tongue up her neck to her earlobe, he nipped the flesh lightly, which brought a moan from deep within her chest.  
  
"God, Jack… drive… my place… closer… now," she pleaded, wanting him closer, but the damn gearshift was in the way.  
  
Sam didn't hear the car pass until it squealed its tires to a stop. Who ever was driving threw the car in reverse and backed up until they were parked next to the Jeep.   
  
Jack pulled back slightly and whispered in her ear. "It's Daniel, isn't it?"   
  
Sam whispered back. "Yes, and Teal'c."  
  
"Great. Follow my lead," he said and started to lay feather like kisses along her jaw line.  
  
"Jaaack… Saaam… whatcha doin?" Daniel asked in his own halting way.  
  
"What does it look like, Dannyboy. I'm neckin' with my girlfriend."  
  
Sam giggled and buried her head in the crook of his neck. She felt Jack reach into his front pocket and pull out the document that the General gave them. Without taking his lips from her neck, he reached back and handed Daniel the paper.  
  
Daniel read it and "The President! I can't believe the Air Force has documents stating you're dating."  
  
Sam felt Jack pull back and they made eye contact. Then they both busted out laughing. Daniel had the same thought as Jack when the General handed them the same document.   
  
"Congratulations on your new found relationship," Teal'c said, his eyebrow raised, but Sam saw a hint of a smile.  
  
"Yes, congratulations… and it's about damn time the Air Force did something about it. I didn't think you'd ever get… to…" Daniel seemed to be at a loss for words.  
  
"Daniel Jackson I believe the Colonel and the Major would like to be alone," Teal'c wisely pointed out.  
  
"Right… are you two sure you don't want to come back to the base. We've got movies…" Again Daniel stopped talking in mid sentence, but this time for a good reason.  
  
Sam shot him a look that said, 'Move along Daniel, or I'm going to hurt you.'  
  
"Okay… maybe not. Well, we'll be leaving now," he said, tossing the paper into the Jeep and squealing his tires as he left.  
  
Jack looked at her. "You gave him 'that' look, didn't you?"  
  
"What look would that be?" she asked, enjoying the play between them.  
  
"You know, the look that says, 'I'm going to hurt you'."  
  
"Yes, I did." She noticed he was leaning in again.  
  
"So… where were we?"  
  
Sam put her hand on his chest. "You were just about ready to drive to my place so I can…" Leaning up she whispered exactly what she was going to do to him. All of a sudden she felt herself being pushed back into her seat. Quickly he reached for her seatbelt and fastened her in.   
  
As they drove off, something crept into her mind. "Um, Jack… we have five days. Is that enough time… to go fishing?"  
  
The look on his face was priceless. She knew he'd waited a long time to go 'fishing' with her.  
  
His response was typical Jack. "Yes! Thank God for green suckers and red lollipops!"  
The end... 


End file.
